Zen and the Art of Road Bike Maintenance

Scene: A Comprehensive School Year Room. Park Tools everywhere.

Daddy Cool and Kiwi Glen attempt to install bijoux bike bling chainset and cassette onto DCs Focus, thereby giving him a greater range of gears because ‘more is better’ (Jens Voigt, 2004).

Sounds of banging. KG is beating DCs bike with the handle of a pedal spanner.

DC looks on, concerned.

Enter Ben who is largely there to watch and hold stuff.

Kiwi Glen: Hey Ben, have you got a rubber mallet?

Ben: Not on me.

KG: Cos if we just had a rubber mallet, this’d just come straight off (continues beating)

DC: Maybe if we…

KG: It sounds worse than it is (beating gets louder). You see, if you’d just bought the all-in-one bottom bracket with the cups attached like on my bike…

DC: I reckon if we…

KG: Shimano, you see, by far the best system. Who made this? (peers at chainset, then resumes beating)

DC: Can we turn it upside down and lean on it, then use the crank-puller braced against the floor?That might work, no?

KG: No, cos it’s plastic, this’d break (indicating carbon racing frame). If you had just bought a nice aluminium frame like mine…

Leave a Reply